I've written a couple of blog posts quite awhile ago on some of my struggles with religion, but I've kept them to myself as of late for various reasons. I've found comfort in something that I'd like to keep to myself for now, until I feel secure in my beliefs. I'm glad to report that I feel very little bitterness regarding Christianity now and am happy for those who fall under that banner. I don't think I'd ever return to being a Christian, even though I enjoy reading the bible and some of its ideas, because I can't quite reconcile some of my personal beliefs with it and some of those who practice it. I have no issue speaking to others about it or using the word "God" since it's what most understand.
I've read a lot of book about religion, read a few blogs and met people who think it's the cause of all evil in the modern world. I don't think I'll ever not believe in something, simply because it gives me comfort and helps to calm my mind when it gets a little out of control. I find satisfaction in having something to honour and prayer allows me to give up some control, plus I've always loved the action of praying.
The hardest thing for me was trying to reconcile my personal beliefs, the beliefs I grew up with, and science. At first it was fear of what my family and friends would think that caused me to hide my views, and once I'd passed that checkpoint, I then was stuck fearing what other logical and intelligent people would think about me still deciding to believe in something so outlandish. During that time I read nearly any book that captured my interest and found my curiosity leading me to the new age section of the library. Most of those books were smuggled into the house and hidden in my room, because my mom would freak and my dad would laugh at me. My dad's reaction worried me the most because I really respect his opinion and, although his attitude often helps to bring me back to reality, I was starting to determine my own views.
Although there are definitely some far fetched ideas over in new age, I'm going to say something a little controversial and tell you that they're not just for the crazies and some do have a lot of value. A lot of the ideas they're grappling with are the same ones that nearly every culture has grappled with, but without the structure of traditional religion or science, since a lot of them science has no answer for. Sure, you may come across a lot fluff, but you find it in the feel-good books of traditional religion as well.
For example, let's talk about the idea of what happens to the human soul when we die. Science says that we don't really have one (although it's still a bit unsure) and once our physical body fails, we cease to exsist, Christianity says either go to heaven or hell based upon our actions on earth, or whether we have accepted Christ, and Hindus and Buddhists both say that the soul reincarnates multiple times until we reach enlightenment. Obviously this is very over simplified.
Now let's say that you didn't have a traditional religious structure to help you define things and weren't very satisfied with the scientific answer, what would you do? A lot of new age writers are faces with that problem and will search nearly anywhere for an answer they find adequate, often melding two or more beliefs together.
What new age is, isn't just books by whack jobs, but books written by individuals that are trying to make sense of things in a very personal way. They work with ideas in a way that's almost rebelliously outside of society's rules and in a completely different direction than traditional approaches. The biggest thing reading those books have taught me is that everything is extremely personal, even religion, and unique to an individual. Although several individuals can share simpler beliefs and can be grouped together, each of them are distinctly different. That knowledge has allowed me to think personally about my beliefs and gave me the freedom to decide for myself what I think, even if it isn't the most mainstream and accepted idea.
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