Well, today has been kinda weird. I'm in a better mood and have started to find ways to de-stress. Writing random ranting blogposts is one of them, in case you haven't realized this. I've also started to read books again. I don't think I've read a novel for leisure in around 2 years. I tried, but my own writing kinda took over. So, my reading choices for the last 2 years have been either manga, non-fiction or books for my L.A. class. However, yesterday I finally started reading again...and I liked it! Usually, I've attempted to read a book but haven't been able to finish it because I either my mind likes to wander.
In other news, my appetite has been weird. I can't think of food without becoming disgusted and feeling nauseous, yet at random points I'll actually get the desire to eat something and as long as I don't think too much about it, I can eat a little bit. For breakfast, I had some toast and I managed to eat something for lunch, but for supper, i could only manage one samosa. Imagine someone forcing you to eat something utterly revolting and the entire time you were doing your best not to vomit all over the counter...yeah, that's how I felt trying to eat that samosa and it tasted good! Needless to say, I'm getting kinda worried.
I'm tired of being tired. I wake up and feel exhausted already an hour later. Every time I start to relax, my eyelids begin to droop and my breathing starts to get slower, which is the prelude to my deep sleep. Even right now, I feel like I have giant bags under my eyes (but I don't, I checked!).
That's all for now, because I'm too darn tired to write any more. ;)
-Asiemens
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Just Plan O'Struggling
For the past two months, I have felt like crap. Recently I was diagnosed with colitis which still frustrates and confuses me because I don't have access to the information or support I need. I have yet to sit down and speak with a gastrointestinal specialist, and there isn't enough information on the web to satisfy my questions.
I feel constantly like a human bomb, just waiting to go off in someone's face. I'm either extremely angry or I want to cry all the time. I'm tired of faking happy. I just want to be miserable. I don't want to build any new relationships, I don't want to date and I don't want 'strange' people around. In the same breath, I want my extremely close family and friends to stop and listen for just a moment. Put away all you stupid electronic devices, forget about that stack of paper on the table, stop cleaning and just give me a hug. Stop and take the time to listen to me, to try and see how I feel. I need someone to shut up and listen, not to lecture me or to be a pompous, condescending jackass who feels the need to tell me what the heck I'm doing wrong. I don't give a shit. I just want someone to care.
I'm tired of going to school. I don't want to be there, I don't want to sit amidst the superficial idiots and listen to a ranting teacher try to teach me something I will never use. I want to be able to take the course I want, just the ones I'm interested without having to fulfill some sort of requirement. I just want to learn, I don't want to be judged or forced to be apart of something that I don't care about.
I'm tired of driving my brother and sister around. I'd rather give up my driver's license and walk to school than have my life interrupted every time they need to be somewhere. I didn't choose to do the activities they want to be apart of, and I most certainly didn't choose to become the 3rd parents who is always lacking respect and is treated like shit. So, dear parents, take my frickin' license (please do) and make your kids walk or make time to drive them yourselves. Also, please pay me back. All the little amounts of money I've been forced to give out, I want back. Those $5s and $10s add up quick, and I would like to be able to buy lunch at the flipping fantastic cafeteria at school (no kidding, it is the best food ever!!!).
So, there it is...my current rant. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed finally getting it off my chest, since this is the only bloody way anyone will listen to me. I'm sure I have missed various other pet-peeves, but we'll have to save them for some other time.
Farewell and remember, I'm not anti-social because I can't be social, but because the rest of the world is full of idiots.
-Asiemens
I feel constantly like a human bomb, just waiting to go off in someone's face. I'm either extremely angry or I want to cry all the time. I'm tired of faking happy. I just want to be miserable. I don't want to build any new relationships, I don't want to date and I don't want 'strange' people around. In the same breath, I want my extremely close family and friends to stop and listen for just a moment. Put away all you stupid electronic devices, forget about that stack of paper on the table, stop cleaning and just give me a hug. Stop and take the time to listen to me, to try and see how I feel. I need someone to shut up and listen, not to lecture me or to be a pompous, condescending jackass who feels the need to tell me what the heck I'm doing wrong. I don't give a shit. I just want someone to care.
I'm tired of going to school. I don't want to be there, I don't want to sit amidst the superficial idiots and listen to a ranting teacher try to teach me something I will never use. I want to be able to take the course I want, just the ones I'm interested without having to fulfill some sort of requirement. I just want to learn, I don't want to be judged or forced to be apart of something that I don't care about.
I'm tired of driving my brother and sister around. I'd rather give up my driver's license and walk to school than have my life interrupted every time they need to be somewhere. I didn't choose to do the activities they want to be apart of, and I most certainly didn't choose to become the 3rd parents who is always lacking respect and is treated like shit. So, dear parents, take my frickin' license (please do) and make your kids walk or make time to drive them yourselves. Also, please pay me back. All the little amounts of money I've been forced to give out, I want back. Those $5s and $10s add up quick, and I would like to be able to buy lunch at the flipping fantastic cafeteria at school (no kidding, it is the best food ever!!!).
So, there it is...my current rant. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed finally getting it off my chest, since this is the only bloody way anyone will listen to me. I'm sure I have missed various other pet-peeves, but we'll have to save them for some other time.
Farewell and remember, I'm not anti-social because I can't be social, but because the rest of the world is full of idiots.
-Asiemens
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