First I had to learn how to thread a bobbin, then how to insert the bobbin, then how to thread the upper thread, and then how to sew in a straight line. After about five minutes, my face was flushed with frustration and I could feel tears threatening to spill. Still, I pressed on for another two hours. My project is uncompleted and I have to rip out about half of my seams.
Right now, I'm immensely frustrated. For one main reason: I expected it to come out perfectly. After all, I read the manual, watched the videos and I theoretically knew exactly how to make it perfect. I now know that practical and theoretical knowledge are far from the same thing. But how was I supposed to know? For years in school, all I had to do was pick up a book and let the information sink in. I could easily learn about some point in history or mitosis or political views by reading a book.
None of the courses I took in school prepared me for my greatest challenge of all... threading that goddamned bobbin. I spent my entire educational life thus far learning theoretically, something that I also think I have a natural knack for. I never really learned how to practically learn skills, something that rings true every time I attempt to do my hair, cook, sew or anything that requires a hands-on approach.
Practice is what's needed to learn those types of skills. Hands-on practice is not something I'm very good at simply because I expect that since I know the steps I will be able to accomplish it easily. I still haven't learned to french braid although I theoretically know the steps, simply because when I try it doesn't end up perfect and I give up. Story of my life! I'll try to cook something, but if it fails I'll just stop cooking. I'm not an adventurous cook, I can't just throw something in, I need to follow the directions exactly because if I don't it'll come out wrong. I envy my brother for effortlessly throwing random spices in simply because he can.
It's very frustrating for me. Extremely. And logically I know that all I need is practice, but I"m unwilling to do so because I'm not as good as it as I think I should be. I wish that I knew how to hands on learn, but it's just something I've never had experience before. If you sit down in a classroom, you'll be taught from a textbook or by listening to a lecture. It's rare that, unless you take something like shop or Home Ec, you'll learn hands on.
People learn differently, but school's don't like to teach differently. I feel bad for my hands-on buddies, because if I was forced to learn just hands-on I have no doubt that I would have had a very poor schooling experience. How they managed to survive in a theoretical world, I do not know. All I know is that I wish I'd had more opportunities to learn hands-on approaches.
Either way, now I'm stuck wallowing in self-pity because the all the new skills I want to learn require a hands-on approach. I want to learn how to build a cob house, sew, garden, build fences, cook, how to do electrical and plumbing work, and to become relatively self-sufficient. The only way I'll learn these is if I jump feet first and give myself some slack. It's ok not to get it right on the first, second, third, forth... hundredth time. I need practice, and I need to understand that I will make a lot of mistakes as I learn. A lot! I just hope that my head can get into gear, stop beating me up and begin to treat me like the imperfect human being that I am.
