Monday, October 15, 2012

My Struggles with Christianity

'Sup random web-users and a few people I do know that are beginning to think I need some serious help. Guess what? I've been feeling frustrated and confused again! Yay! Yes, I do know that pretty much the entire course of this blog has been about confusion. Welcome to my chaotic life, you may want to leave before I drag you into the pit of despair.

Truth be told, I'm not really in despair at the moment. I actually feel relatively cool and calm, which is slightly shocking. I'm also relatively happy. What weird alien creature has taken over my body, you ask? I'm hoping a really cool one that plans to take me to its planet it to be revered as a wise and superior individual. Fingers crossed!

What am I here today to complain about? Excellent question, I'm glad you've asked. It continues the religious debate I had in my last post. And there goes all the random web-users leaving only the people I know to shake their heads whist sighing. I love you guys too! :) You may wish to preserve your delicate belief that I am doing things the way you'd be comfortable with by leaving this page now.

I don't think I'm a Christian. I mean, I haven't called myself a Christian in several months, but I still tried to fight to be one. Again, this is mostly based on the people within Christianity verses the actual religion (although there are quite a few parts of the religion I do struggle with. Yeah, I'm talking about the Bible. I'll get to that in a minute). I realize that people shouldn't be the ones who get to decide my own view on a religion. I get that, but I think everyone must admit that those around you need to be compatible for a mutual friendship to work. By compatible, I don't mean they have to like the same things you do or believe the way you believe, I mean that there has to be a connection. You can't hang around people who belittle or constantly judge you, you want to hang out with people who accept and have compassion for you.

Though Christianity preaches love and forgiveness, I usually regard the people who practice Christianity as hypocrites who preach hatred. I understand if you don't agree with someone's beliefs. I get that. But you still must show them some respect and treat them as if they have some value. You can't spend your entire life judging someone who is a little different and saying that they're going to hell. No, bad Christian! Stop judging and start showing some compassion. How can you expect people to want to be Christian if you're spending your time making them feel bad? I find myself far more willing to at least learn more about something if you approach me with kindness and respect than an all out verbal war. I've met some fantastic Christians who do that, but I see far to many that don't.

That could be because once you start looking for bad things you're going to find them. If you start looking for faults with a fine-toothed comb you're going to find tons of them, I understand. That's what I've been busy doing. I have been nit-picking. So, here comes another one of those semi-embarrassing moments where I get to say that I may have been over-analyzing some things and may be biased in someways. Shut up, it happens.

So, the people are a big factor and so is the Bible. I don't really see the Bible as a rule book. I, personally, have a hard time doing so for various reasons. First off, it was written by people not God. God may have given them the inspiration to write, but it was people's words. By the same account, couldn't any book written by a pastor inspired by God be of similar worth. I have a hard time understanding the Creation story, but I have a hard time understanding any creation story (includes scientific theories) because it will never be proven. Ever. We will never know how this universe came to be.

I also don't like the book of Revelation. Not because it scares me or is confusing as heck, but because I have a hard time wrapping my head around how a compassionate and forgiving God turns on people and obliterates the world. What about the younger people who live at that time, they wouldn't have had much of an opportunity to discover God. Some people only accept him in old age. But these young people wouldn't have as much time before they're doomed to suffer because they didn't have a chance to discover Him. I asked someone and they told me that the appeal of God would be so much stronger in that time, but the verdict's still out on that one for me.

I see the Bible more as a collection of thoughts by some very wise people and a historical record. I do not see it as the end-all holy book that must be obeyed to the letter and more as a guide where you don't have to agree with everything said, but offers some advice. I think it is a very valuable book, even if you're not Christian.

Anyway, I'll stop musing because I am losing my train of thought and that usually is not good. End point is the same as my last posts: I do not see myself becoming a Christian any time soon, if at all.

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