Finding Help

I call the Kids Help Phone yesterday in the middle of the night because I still couldn't sleep and I actually found it to be pretty helpful. It was a little weird at first since it was my first time trying anything like it, but the guy on the other end gave me some helpful suggestions on how to deal with my trouble-some teacher. I'm almost tempted to give all my teachers the link to this blog so they can try to understand everything a little better, but I'm afraid about what they might think and if they'll take offence to things I've written. Partially because I can be a drama queen at times and I often blog when I'm emotionally unstable or want to rant about something that's bothering me.

I do want to be understood. I so badly want to tell everyone what I'm think and how I'm feeling, but I'm so afraid of what will happen if I do. Will they judge and reject me? I don't know. I wish I could give out this blog address to every extended family member so they can know what I'm thinking. I want to be understood, almost everything I choose to do is about getting people to understand me. I write this blog for that very purpose; my novels showcase different sides and opinions I have and my own journal was written for 'future' people who want to learn more about people of this generation. What is it about me that makes me so hard to understand?

My mind is both my comfort and my curse. I am comforted by its dreams, yet driven insane by its reasoning and the chance for insanity. It worries me that I may one day grow insane. Insanity itself doesn't scare me as much as the possibility of loosing my ability to think, reason and create; that would devastate me. Same with becoming a danger to myself and others by forcing a strict, one-sided idea onto them. I prefer fluidity and the ability to change to fit the needs of people, to the strict, ridged moulds that regulate everyone.

I want less in life. I'd like a smaller house, no TV and no school. The main thing I'd like in life (for now), excluding all non-physical things, is a smaller one-floor, open concept house. That's about it.