It seems as if my idea of posting just articles has been demolished, and this blog has been turned into my own ranting place. Oh, well. I'll attempt to post a few new articles eventually...but for right now, I'll just rant.
My week has been terrible! Horrible! Actually turn that week into a month and you've got my life. School has been becoming unbearable. There are some moments where I come across a topic or something that interests me, but the incredible stupidity of people in my classes amaze me.
First off, not everyone gets on my nerves. Since I've hit my stress level, little things have started to bother me more. When some idiot decides to use a fake British accent (that isn't even close!), or when a teacher takes the entire class to explain something that should have taken 15 minutes, that ticks me off. I especially hate when that teacher expects you to pay complete attention to every little detail even though you've already gone over it. I don't have a terribly short attention span, but if you can't keep me interested or focused and drag on and on, then I will focus my attention on something productive. Aka- writing my novel.
On a good note: my novel is almost complete. On a bad note: I've hit the wall. It's not writer's block (I know what I'm going to write and I know how to say it), but I just don't have the will or desire to continue. I feel like life's drained me of all ambition, and I no longer want to learn about things I'm interested in or even read books. Right now I'm feeling numb as far as ambition and the will to do things go.
To top it off, I've been having a wonderful time with teenage insecurity. I feel like I have nothing to wear, that I'm too shy, that I look like a loser, etc, etc, etc. Being shy is one of my biggest insecurities. It's hard to explain how you've got so much to say, but you won't say it. If someone comes into my environment where I feel at home or in charge, I have no issues with chatting with them or being myself. However, when I'm put into a strange environment I become mute and shy. I know that a lot of people have the same issues, and being new doesn't help confidence levels. Oh, and the whole not knowing who you are or what you like is a big issue. Sometimes I feel as if I like things only because I know I'm supposed to like them. That's what a geeky asiemens would like, or that's what a teen's supposed to like.
I realize that all that I've ranted about will go away eventually. Or at least, my feelings towards it will decrease in frustration and anger. I get into these moods every year or so, and I absolutely hate them. Unfortunately, my parents are also pushing for me to get a job, and I'm going to explode soon if this all doesn't go away. Every time they push me, I really want to push harder and be difficult. It's the whole "It's my life, and I can do what I want" thing. Plus, I'm still feeling new and alone at school, and I really have no desire to deal with those same issues at a new job.
Christmas break (yes, Christmas break. Not winter break or holiday break) is looking very good right now. Only 3 more weeks to go. Ugh! It seems too far away.
The ranter extraordinaire,
asiemens
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