The Need to Get Away

I can't handle this much more. The inconsistency with everything is driving me crazy. My health has improved, but still isn't the best. Plus my stomach is very vocal which leads to both embarrassing and funny moments. My emotions fluctuate so often, I'm starting to feel insane. I can feel fine and stable for an entire day and then, without any warning, I'm back to feeling terrible. Usually I have a good sense of when I'm about to hit that level, but not anymore. 

I need to get away. The few moments I have alone when I stay home from school isn't enough. I need an actual break from everything, not these little ones. I need to go to an entirely different place, away from this house and everything here. There's too much chaos and emotions attached to here. I want peace so badly. I'm at my limit. I can't stress that enough. There's no longer an "I don't want to school to school" attitude, but an "I'm never going back" one. It's no longer an "I want more space" situation but an "I NEED to be alone or I'll explode" one. There's no maybe/if thing going on, I'm not longer just feeling a certain way, I'm following through with it.

My only issue with trying to get away is where do I go? I can't just walk out of this house and stay with a friend, not that I necessarily would if I could. I don't know if I could ever convey with words the desperation that I feel. I need to get away from this place. I need to be transplanted into a different environment, something new. Maybe this is my so-called "need for perfection" talking, but I just feel that being in a new environment that allows me to be solitary would help. I don't know if it actually will, but I want to try and find out. 

I need something to happen soon. I need a break from my habits, I need my world to be thrown upside down so I don't fall back into those habits. That's why I think a new environment would help because it would give me an opportunity to rebuild different habits. Maybe it wouldn't, but I need to try something new.