It's official, I've reverted back to the incredibly stupid habit I gave up over three years ago. Every time I embarrass myself (not matter how small of an embarrassment) I pinch or slap myself and call myself mean names. I swear, I am my own bully. I know how bad it is and I hate myself every single time I do it.
My situation keeps getting worse and worse. My head feels like it will explode any second now and I want everything to stop. I'm not just feeling that way anymore, I NEED more space. I can't go back to school. I can't do any of this any more. I'm just done. D-O-N-E, done! I think I've hit my breaking point, because all of this chaos has driven me insane.
I'm done talking with people to figure it out, I'm done feeling like crap. I don't want to hear any noise, I don't want to speak with anyone and I need to be alone. Make it stop! Please just make it all normal again! I can't take it.
It's so easy for me to jump from one emotion to another, without any warning...even to myself. I'll feel perfectly fine one second, like I'm finally on a stable level, then one little thing will send me back into craziness. Last night, I felt fine. I had a nice chat with my aunt and grandma, and felt 100%. I was happy. Then all of a sudden, I'm finished with all this crap and I want it to stop. I don't know what suddenly made me feel this way or when it started happening. Did I wake up this way? Did something happen at school? I don't know!
Just make it go away. I just want to be done with this.
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