Who I Am

So, recently I was speaking with a co-worker about random things and the subject of my dating life popped up. As a young adult, this happens a lot and I generally don't mind it too much since I enjoy being very open and honest about myself. To sum up my dating life it would be non-existent; I've only been asked out twice and only accepted once. It's not like I purposefully choose not to date, I just don't have any offers plus I'm sure that I would find it very nerve-racking to have to establish a relationship with someone.

Anyway, the conversation wound up in the obvious direction of why I hadn't gotten many dates. To my amusement, he came up with the formula of me being too intelligent, guys who were intimidated by it or too shy and me looking too young for my age. His suggestion was to dye my hair blond and refrain from correcting people too much. I had laugh and found it more amusing than insulting. I'm sure he wasn't totally serious, either way I definitely won't be doing that.

I love who I am; both the ups and downs of it. I love everything from the way I look to how my mind works, and even accept (not necessarily love) how often I embarrass myself. There is no way on earth that I would ever dumb myself down to get people to like me, frankly I'd rather speak to someone who I can have a real conversation with than just small-talk with another who I don't connect with.

I'm very pleased with who I am and the person I'm going to become, because I know that I have the potential to be a big influence, even if it's just to a small group of people. I write because it not only helps me, because I have just that tiny glimmer of hope that someone will read it and find value in it. Whether or not that ever happens, I'm happy pretending that what I say will be heard.

To get back on track, I'm very conflicted about the idea of a relationship, because I know that I will be fine if I never end up in one. While there are benefits to having one, there are also benefits to being solitary. I'm not saying that I wouldn't enjoy the quirky romantic movie relationship and often I wish I could grab more hugs or cuddles, but I also recognize that reality doesn't work the same way that movies do and there's a lot more involved. That stupid awkward, get-to-know each other stage scares me more than I'd like to admit.