A Little Bit on the Crazy-Side

So, I had a pretty bad freak out this weekend. I went relatively crazy for a few minutes, worry about nearly everything. Unfortunately, that freak out ended up completely destroying my ability to analyze myself and my emotions. Which means I'm having a very hard time describing what's going on in my head. 

I feel drained, tired, overwhelmed and spent the last 8 hours with a headache that ranked in the top ten worst I've ever had. I'm not sure if I'm exaggerating or playing-down how I'm feeling. I went to work today; it felt too normal. I've had random episodes of crying and feeling desperate. Desperate for what, I don't know. I feel too calm half the time and too emotional the other half. 

I feel more pushed to the side than I ever had with any other anxiety problem I've had. My mom's doing her best, but I don't think she understands how chaotic my mind is right now. She doesn't really seem like she's paying much attention, just kinda brushes it off, which I guess is partly my fault since I've only describe it in a very calm and meh manner. My dad's away on a trip and I know I can email him, but don't know what to say. 

I feel crazy. I don't think I've ever felt crazy before. I've felt afraid, mad, hated myself, etc. I felt somewhat sane then, at least the semi-logical part of my brain was functioning. I knew logically what was happening, even if my emotions didn't want to give me up. I don't know what's happening this time. I don't know how I'm feeling, I don't know why and I don't know how to convey it to people to find help. I'm trying my best here, but I don't know if I'm making it up because I think I should feel a certain way. 

I'm going to take the day off from work tomorrow, and maybe the next day. Surprisingly, it's not out of avoidance. It's not because I'm afraid of going or I'm lazy or anything like that. I'm not even sure if I should, or even want to, take the day off. When I'm home, I just want to do nothing. Just lay in bed the whole day. Why do I want to take the day off? Maybe I'm hoping that a day of nothing will recalibrate my brain, I don't know...

I went to the doctor today and they put me on something for anxiety; they said it would take about 2 weeks to see results. I hope it works, but I wonder if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe I'm exaggerating how bad that one moment of craziness was because I'm bored or want attention. Maybe I want to spent my life suffering and moping about. Woe is me! Poor girl! What's wrong with me?

Am I exaggerating this? Did I write this for attention or for clarification? Do I want to sound crazy? I don't know. I'm so confused about everything.