It's been awhile since I've written down the thoughts from my green notebook, so there might be a lot. I actually really enjoy reading these after the fact because I think that there's some valid ideas...as well as a bunch of emotional rants. ;)
Irrational, illusionary fear. A fear that when thought about with a logical mind proves the individual an idiot. A fear that in the moment reduces me to a state of desperate escape.
To release your mind to the world and say all that you want to say is the most freeing experience I ever was a part of. To let go of all concerns involving the fear of judgement in a maker that doesn't directly harm another person is to understand and learn about yourself. To constantly hide yourself from view and pretend to be someone else is to deceive yourself and lose your connection to your true thoughts and problems. By allowing yourself ftp opening show your flaws you prove yourself to be an individual and a human being. The flaws that we spend our lives hiding are badges of our own humanity. How dare we even try to cover them up. As long as our flaws do not harm others, then they should be exposed in, at the very least, a selective environment. Our flaws are also our strengths; my paranoias and the extreme way I experience them is a testament to my creative and imaginative abilities. If we hide our flaws, do we not also hide our strengths?
The goal of all things is to be perfect. Chemical solutions search for a state of equilibrium, the earth desperately tries to strike a balance between all elements, and humans cover up their flaws and are constantly searching of the fountain of youth. Perfection isn't a bad thing to aim for, but it must be kept perspective. Perfection is not possible for a human to obtain. We are too flawed. To be the best we can possibly be is what we should aim for, but we also must be aware of our limits and accept them rather than deny them.
I most certainly do not believe that people are inherently good, nor do I believe that they are inherently bad either nor are we entirely a blank slate. Genetics play a role in shaping an individual as does experience, but the general rule is that it is far easier to get what you want with bad intentions. Therefore, people will always have a tendency to take the bad path because it is the easiest.
Can someone just "be"? Or must there be a purpose to life? Do we need to be productive to be deemed worthy? Does everything we do have purpose in some form? By thinking and reflecting, we still are productive because we create ideas, by exercising we fortify our bodies and by reading we strengthen our minds. Is there anything that can be considered just "being"?
I believe that everyone fears criticism; it's natural, no one likes to have their ideas belittled. However, criticism is what lies bad ideas and beliefs to rest, with some exceptions, and without it people become engulfed in a world created by their own minds.
To what extent are my views governed by fantasied notions of honour and tradition. I have the desire to pass on something of myself to be remembered by, yet I wonder if it's a pointless endeavour. Does it matter whether I am forgotten years after I'm gone? Would I feel sad, angry or nothing at all? What good could I do after I've disappeared and what would leaving behind a trinket or piece of writing do?
I worry that I over-analyze and refuse to see the emotional side of things at times. It's almost laughable considering the mess of emotions I'm always jumping in and out of, although that could be the reason why I choose to analyze without them present. I find myself to be very conflicted between emotions and "rationalized" views. How can I find the balance?
I don't like conflict. I find it to be mostly pointless and more like the idea of brinkmanship than anything else. It doesn't resolve anything and only leads to stress as well as a high, unnecessary tension between people. The only solid way to resolve issues without too much backlash is by using forms of compromise.
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