Back to usual! I'm here to complain to you about my problems. ;)
I have to start my first day of work tomorrow and I'm beyond nervous. I've been having mini panic attacks for three days now. All it takes is a word or thought that sends my heart pounding, luckily it doesn't last long, but when you get one every hour it kinda ruins your day.
This time I'm really not sure I can do this. For once I really, really don't want to fight with myself to go somewhere. I just want to give in and not be so worried. Just to feel all this stupid stress dissipate. Even if I make it through tomorrow, I'll have to fight again the next and the next. Why can't I find something that I actually want to do enough to fight? I just fight out of responsibility, not because I want to have this job or because I'd like to learn something.
I'm tired of guilt being my motivation. There has to be something other than obligation that compels me to do something.
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